Hello God, it’s me. again. for the tenth time today. I know You don’t mind even though sometimes I think You have bigger fish to fry than my ever whining prayers. Your Word tells me I can come to You anyway, that You will always be here, listening, caring, no matter what.
It’s almost 10pm. I guess you knew that though huh? I’m so tired Lord. I don’t know what I keep doing wrong that makes bedtime such a struggle. Three hours just seems extreme to me. I expect the baby to cry and fight but the older ones? *sigh*
I yelled today. I could feel the yelling getting louder (in my head) so I went for my medicine. I tried to calm down, so I could remember to pray. I knew You were there, turning me around, guiding me away from her when she wrote me that horrible letter. I felt You with us when she casually walked up behind me and asked me why I was crying. I heard You whisper in my ear “she doesn’t understand”.
Sometimes, I feel like her. I am the one who doesn’t understand. I don’t understand why this always seems so hard. It always has. Now she and I are like two sunburned babies constantly rubbing each other the wrong way.
I know help is coming. Please Lord help me to be patient, to be understanding, to let go of the expectations that I think the world is holding our family against. The world is not my judge. Send me blinders so that I might keep my focus.
Silence my tongue when I should say no and am about to volunteer myself. Then give me the words and the courage to decline gracefully, without fear.
Help me understand where all my anger/frustration comes from, so I can be rid of it forever.
Then help me to remember that You gave me these children because You created me to be their mom.
Help me find joy in offering grace to my children. They need both of them from me, just as I need to feel both from You Lord.
I guess this tired momma better go to bed. We have an early date for coffee every morning, I’d hate to be late again.