Summer of 2011, I had my hair highlighted and given hot pink streaks.
It’s the hair do I had when I attended the Allume Conference (Relevant).
I loved it.
I felt amazing.
I was taking care of how I looked, and paying attention to how I dressed. I was participating in the C25K. I was making better food choices. But winter came, and with it a downturn in my outlook. When, despite all my efforts, the weight wasn’t budging, I became frustrated and heartbroken.
It was time to touch up the hair color and I just couldn’t do it. Anyone with pink hair needs to have the attitude to match it, and I didn’t.
Seeing pictures of myself, holding my sister’s new baby, looking like someone I swore I would NEVER look like, hurt. Deeply.
So I bought a bottle of basic brown and I hid the pink.
My word for 2012 was Acceptance. I wanted to accept me for who I was and how I was.
I have accepted that I am this way, this size, and all the other things I wrote in that New Year’s post.
That doesn’t mean that I’m okay with staying that way. I can love me no matter what, but still have the love FOR me to want to be healthier.
That started with a doctor’s appointment; because things just weren’t adding up. I am still in the process. We have tests yet to be run. There are some things that aren’t looking “normal”. Maybe it will show an obstacle and maybe it won’t. Maybe my body has been sabotaging my efforts, and maybe it hasn’t. Either way, no matter what my body chemistry says there is NO justification for some of the things I eat.
I want to cry and can’t so I grab a drink. But I can’t drink (it’s only 10am) so I eat.
I don’t eat because I’m hungry. I eat because I’m nauseous from going so long without eating or because eating takes up time that I could be spending thinking. Thinking leads to heartache.
Yesterday, my friend Heather (SprittiBee) invited me to join her on DietBet.com. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with her giving her one reason after another on why I would fail. I even told her at one point “Keep talking, because I’m going to give you every reason I can think of why what you’re saying wouldn’t work for me. But I am listening. So just keep talking.”
I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and picked me up a Tervis Tumbler.
I love him. I mean it. I love it. I have had a lot of water thanks to this cup. So I signed up. I paid my $10 and I took my pictures. (The DietBet site doesn’t share them, but I am going to)
If all I accomplish is becoming less dehydrated because I’m remembering to drink water then that is a win.
If I lose a few pounds and my jeans fit better, that is a win.
If slowly, and with the support of my friends and some friendly competition, I earn back my pink hair – well…then I’m all taking you with me to the beauty salon!
I would LOVE to see 145 again. That seems almost impossible right now.
For now, my goal is under 200. If I hit 190, I’m headed to Fantastic Sam’s for some color.
It’s really not about the pounds thought. It’s about getting healthy. For my kids, who need a mom who can play. For my husband, who needs a wife who doesn’t feel sick all the time. And for me, because I deserve to feel good.
Wanna help me? Tweet me a great recipe! Remind me to get my hand out of the Nutella. Or just send me a virtual high-five.