Last week we had an amazing thing happen.
More than once, we did math, with….
no….
tears.
Yes. It happened. It wasn’t easy math either.
The kid that still screams “IT’S TOO HARD” over a pretty basic addition problem, sat on the floor with me doing exponents. Suddenly, she stopped using her fingers and proudly said “I can do that in my head”.
I wanted to cry.
Then after months of chaos in the house, we managed to get the little’s room sorted and cleaned. The toys had not been properly put away since we moved in back in September. Four boxes of Happy Meal junk and trash and broken toys were tossed, making room for shelving.
Yesterday, for the first time in over a year (which dates back to before we moved), I can see the top of my dresser.
This morning, things are getting done. It’s slow. Nothing is “finished” but progress is being made. I see places that are less cluttered. I feel the anxiety lifting as room is being made for living instead of surviving (the mess).
If I had made a to do list, there would be so many things marked off.
I don’t have a to do list today. Well, I don’t have a to do list for home things today (bloggy-online things is a different story).
Today, and for the past several days, I have tried to just let things happen.
If I was in the kitchen, I tidied it up. If we were in the bedroom hanging out, I tidied up. When we started school work, I laid down on the floor with her, and was totally there with her.
For the first time in way too long, I turned all my gadgets off and watched a show with the Mr.
It was a bit of a challenge for me. I’m not used to being able to pay attention to just one thing.
***lunch break***
It’s hard to sit here, eating my noodles, and not look around at all that hasn’t been accomplished yet. I don’t want to sit and focus on all I did accomplish either. I just want to enjoy my noodles. I want to let lunch happen.
When it’s done, I’d like to let washing dishes happen. But I don’t want to spend my lunch thinking about all the things I need to make happen.
I want to learn to wake up and go with it.
Why is that so hard?
