Wow, what a day for me to start 5 minute Fridays. Afraid.
I will fail again. I will do all this work and spend all that money on healthy foods and I will tell people “no, I can’t help you right now because I have to workout” and I will still fail. I will stay fat. I will stay tired. I will stay feeling sick.
I will fail again at trying to get this house in order. I will let the overwhelming feeling I get when I look around totally suck me into a pit where I just sit here and think of ways to fix it but never actually get up and do any of it.
I will forget how much God loves me and how I should be offering that love to others and I will let those nasty thoughts and judgements fill my head again. I will say the word again. I will say that I hate. Then the guilt will bring me down until I cry.
I’m afraid that if I start acting like I believe in myself that someone will come show me how wrong I am to think I am good enough to do anything. Because that’s what always happens. So why wouldn’t hit happen again.
Some things just can’t be fixed, no matter how badly you want them to be fixed. Some times the thought of having to continue living with it is unbearable. But you can’t make it go away.
my time is up.