Today is one of those days.
Not quite two weeks post surgery.
Teeth hurting. Not one, but several, because they should have been pulled a year ago but I fall apart at the idea of having partial dentures at 38 so I find excuses not to do it until it hurts so bad I can’t stand it. Until today, when I finally call and schedule the first appointment.
Laundry to fold.
Tears over math. Fists of fury over language arts.
How dare I suggest they read a book?
I’m hungry, but if I eat, they will see me and want to eat. That means fixing lunch (early) and it will be an hour before I can eat because I’m fixing them food first.
Three different songs playing in three different rooms. Laughter one second, crying the next. Somewhere in the mix, a 3yo in IronMan skivvies runs past, almost knocking me over, on his way to startle his sisters.
Every part of me wonders what it would be like if I put them on a bus each morning. How much cleaner would my house be? How much work would I get done? Would I finally be able to read a real book? Would I finally have time to sew things for the kids?
Every part of me acknowledges that my reasons for giving up on our choice to homeschool are completely selfish, and I began crying.
I really don’t want them gone. I really don’t want to change the life I have.
I just wanted today to be different and I can’t seem to force it to go my way.
The harder I try, the worse I feel about it all going wrong.
Only, it’s not wrong. It’s just not my way today.
What needs to get done will get done.
What can wait, and needs to wait, will wait.
What they need to learn, they will learn.
I’ll learn something too, if I’ll stop fighting against the day long enough to pay attention.
Doodlebug’s Minecraft/Skype friend just taught her about the Netherlands. Another one told her about living in Ireland. The third one? He was telling her about London. They were discussing what time it was where everyone was at, and chatting about what each other’s mom (mum) was making for dinner.
Bubbagirl was teaching Lil Man the first rhyme in her reading lessons. “A is the first letter we will say, a is the short vowel sound of A”.
Taderbug just made me a Lego car, complete with mom drinking coffee.
Those three things, were way cooler than anything I had planned for the day.
I think I’ll go make a cup of coffee, grab a book, watch my kids play Legos and thank God for planning me a pretty awesome day….even if it isn’t going my way.