The 2014 Confident Mom Weekly Household Planner

How to Tell My Anxiety is Too High

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I’m awake.

Ba dum dum.

On a scale of 1 = “chill like Cheech and Chong” to 10 = “Full on Panic Attack”, I start most days at a 6. I spend coffee time trying to chill by planning the day in my head, praying, and reminding myself that all the stuff I fret over isn’t worth the fretting.

Most days, it works and I manage to cruise along bouncing between 3 and 6-ish.

There are super chill days where even the stressful things roll right off my back. I am the Queen if Crisis Management, boo-boos hold no power in my presence, and dinner practically makes itself.

Then there is today.
By noon, I was in my room crying. I just couldn’t stop. I knew to disengage from the kids and retreat to my room for a bit, because my reactions to simple things were irrational. Not dangerous, just disproportionate to the offense.

I should have seen it coming, and headed it off with my anxiety meds early. I don’t like that they make me sleepy, and they make me not care about stuff which means I’m not trying to take care of them either. Not taking care of things at all doesn’t work. Especially when it has been a busy week, filled with a lot of away-from-home activities.

Not taking meds, or getting the time I need to decompress, almost always leads to a crash and burn kind of day.

Here are a few ways my family can tell it’s one of those days:

  • I say no before you even ask the question.
  • A random tub of chocolate frosting appears in the fridge, but there are no cupcakes to be found.
  • I’m wearing a hoodie, and the hood is up.
  • I start doing the exact opposite of what I need to be doing. Crafting instead of chores, or chores instead of school.
  • I talk about cutting my hair.
  • The Mr. comes home to find bags of trash outside. It means I’ve been purging. Probably purging things I’ll regret tossing later.
  • I have my headphones on and refuse to remove them, but talk to you anyway because there isn’t any music playing.
  • I mention that I need to go take a bath, but they know I’ve already had one that day.

Do you ever get all wound up and can’t unwind? Do you have anxiety issues? My biggest tool to get calm is prayer and control (get something under control: the house, a task, etc.). How do you get calm?

 

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The Anyway Girl

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The picture is already out there, so I might as well tell you. I got a tattoo this weekend.

My first tattoo.

I didn’t go small, or put it somewhere easy to hide.

I put my heart out there where everyone can see it and nobody gets it.

That’s okay. It’s takes a while to “get” me too. I’m a hard nut to crack but it pays to stick around and get to know me a little.

Let’s start with the quill pen. Seems a little logical to me, since I write things.

I’m still learning how to call myself a “writer” with confidence in my voice.

When I told Jason, the amazing artist who did my tattoo, he didn’t question me about it at all. I know that shouldn’t be shocking or even a thought that crosses my mind but do you know how many times “I am a writer.” gets the reply of “Really? Huh. What do you write?” or “Really? Where?”. It was so nice to have someone just say, “that sounds cool” and not question me as if they were trying to catch me in a lie.

The word, well that’s a bit more complicated, as it has several meanings.

Anyway

Last September, during a counseling session, my doc stopped me to say this:

 

“Your the girl who does it anyway. You forgive anyway. You love anyway. You help anyway. You dream anyway.  *long pause*  No matter what they do to you or say to you…… you move on and love them anyway. *longer pause*  I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who really did that.”

 

I remember being shocked. Not that he thought that of me, but that he didn’t think that of other people. Seems that is how we are supposed to be, as Disciples of Christ, right?

 

So my word became “anyway”, and as I rolled the idea around in my head that word came to mean even more.

They said you couldn’t or shouldn’t, well dream it anyway, Lisa.

You think no one will read it? Write it anyway, Lisa.

Kids want to play cars and dolls but you really want to get that laundry folded. Play anyway.

Don’t think you can make it to the top of Humpback Rock? Hike it anyway.

Every conversation turns into a competition. Converse with them anyway.

Worried you’ll be pitchy and they will all laugh at you? Sing anyway.

Think your daughter needs more grace and less time outs, but everyone says you’re just letting her slide? Parent her, your way, anyway.

Want to climb a mountain in a red dress with all your girlfriends, but your family thinks your crazy? Climb it anyway.

 

Life is short, time flies, and you never know what journey that other person is on so treat them with the love and grace you are being freely given by Jesus.

I’m far from perfect. I flip out. I growl under my breath at the idea of having to socialize sometimes. I bribe my children with a different activity to avoid playing. I leave the dishes in the sink overnight, a lot.

I need to be reminded, everyday, to do things ‘anyway’.

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Brain dumping…

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Today has been crazy.

Mostly in my head, but still crazy.

Nothing went the way I planned it, not even breakfast.

braindumpingpost

It was almost a series of not-really-unfortunate-but-totally-capable-of-unraveling-my-day events that were, by themselves, so inconsequential they would have made an episode of Seinfeld jealous.

Yet collectively, they managed to keep me spinning.

I downloaded Intentional Blogger this afternoon, then left to take Doodlebug for her well child check up.

My plan was to read a little of the eBook and write up one of the reviews I have due while fixing dinner.

2013-11-12 18.52.47

That did not happen.

I hung out with a neighbor, while trying to put my laptop back the way I like it after a Windows 8.1 update.

 

Then a stomach ache from Hades hit and I ended up asking the Mr. to fix the taco beef so I could go die hide in the bathroom.

 

 

Before I knew it, beautiful things were coming from a rather unkind post and I was suddenly wrapped up in tears and joy and memories and laughter.

 

While all this carried on, my children played together without fighting, like a Thanksgiving miracle {no Shannon, I will not invoke the name of Christmas in November}.

 

2013-11-12 18.37.02

 

My Tailor Made WhiteBoard arrived {review coming soon at The Homeschool Post}, and my books for my interview tomorrow with Brian Kilmeade arrived!!

I was so worried I wouldn’t get to look it over before talking with him!

 

2013-11-12 18.40.59Now it’s late, almost 11pm, and most of the house is asleep {after 12 years she still can’t go to bed at a decent hour}.

I’m tired, and emotionally running on empty.

I think I’ll still try and write up my mission statement {Intentional Blogger step one} and decide on my questions for Mr. Kilmeade.

I feel blessed, lost, found, humbled, and special. I am inspired and exhausted and confident and unsure.

brokenpieces

I love the moments when I can look back, at all the broken-hearted days and see where God was there, collecting the pieces, creating what is to be tomorrow’s beautiful things.

This is Mr. Kilmeade’s book, George Washington’s Secret Six. I will be sharing my interview with Mr. Kilmeade along with a review of his book over at The Homeschool Post soon!

This post may contain affiliate links. Proceeds from affiliate links go towards the cost of hosting the blog and helps to support our homeschool books, supplies, and classes. Thank you in advance for your support! If you would like to read more about our affiliations please see our Disclosures page.

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