Put more YES in your house

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Mom said Yes

I spend a lot of my day saying “no”.

I didn’t realize how often I said no, but geez louise it’s a lot.

No, you can’t have more soda.

No, we aren’t having cookies for breakfast.

No, we aren’t painting today.

No, we can’t play Play-Doh right now.

No,

No,

Uh… not now (basically no) , maybe later (I hope you forget that you even asked).

I don’t want to say no all the time.

I don’t want to let them have free reign over the soda, paint and cookies either!

Since I’m pretty certain my kids don’t sit on the couch thinking of the messiest, most complicated thing in the world to play or pondering what sugar laden junk food to ask for next, I had to conclude they only ask for these things because they see them.

That means, they only ask for them because I bought them and put them in their sights.

Soak that in Momma. You put on the table, then told them not to touch it.

That’s like a double edged sword of torture isn’t it?

You spent money on it, said they couldn’t have it (or do it), then have to listen to them ask over and over and over and over again.

You’re miserable, they’re miserable.

What for?

Oh wait, I remember why I bought it.

I bought the paint so it would be on hand when I finally decided to do art in school; knowing that I only do paint projects in the Spring and Summer.

I bought the cookies for snack tonight because I didn’t want to make them from scratch; knowing that from scratch we get 12-15 cookies and they are gone immediately but buying a big bag means we have cookies for DAYS.

I keep buying things for “some day” or buying more than we’ll consume during that “special treat” and now I have all this stuff sitting around, taking up space, tempting my kids.

I want to stop saying no all the time, but I don’t want to start letting them paint daily either. (Not that daily painting is a bad thing, I just can’t do that kind of large scale mess on a daily basis. I shouldn’t consume that much wine.)

My plan is simple:

Stop Bringing In Stuff I Need To Say No To

Almost genius isn’t it.

There are too many recipes for easy homemade dough for me to have the store stuff on hand.

Cookies really aren’t that hard to make, when you really want a cookie.

If I only buy paint supplies in April, then Springtime will have new excitement to it, and I won’t have to spend all January saying “not today”. (Pick a winter craft to do in January and get them excited about that)

Intentionally bring things in that you can joyfully say YES to.

 

What can you say YES to today?

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Head Cold Plus Overwhelmed Momma Gets You

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If it’s this overwhelmed, half sick, missing-her-Mr.-because-he-is-out-of-town, still haven’t unpacked from two back to back road trips momma then you get a blog makeover.

I’m not sure why CSS is all I can manage to do when I’m foggy headed. I managed to write one post, announcing the Top Ten List for SUPER Homeschool Blogger over at The Homeschool Post, but that was a whole lotta cut and paste ya’ll.

Me at Midnight

So here I am, at 12:30 in the morning, glaring at you over my cup of hot tea.

Actually, I’m not glaring at you. That’s a webcam shot of me glaring at my children who are still flippin’ awake.

I’m not expecting to actually fall asleep when they do. Noooo, that would be too easy.

My body decided that this week would be a great week to get bursts of energy at the exact moment the children all fall asleep.

I’m glaring at them because they won’t stop talking to me.

With the Mr. gone, they normally get to sleep in our bed, but dang that oldest one is getting big!  I convinced them to camp out in the living room.

I have two over there:

The older two

And one down there:

Baby Girl

And this one, practically in my lap, as usual:

Zombie Fighter

Doggonit, I just realized I let him fall asleep in without a PullUp. Do I cross my fingers or wrestle one on and hope he doesn’t wake up?

So far this week we have had {and for it’s only 1 hour into Thursday}:

  • two broken dishes, one was full of ABC’s and 123’s when it hit the floor – and shattered.
  • one torn sweater, less than 2 weeks old, one of only three items I have ever bought from a high end children’s store
  • one decimated box from Schwan’s (empty), Tader thought it would be nice to give it to Chicken – the very bored Macaw.
  • three Kid’s meals from McD’s with none of the chicken in it.  (okay, so yea, that might have been a blessing in disguise)
  • lots of snot
  • mom was …. um…. ‘hormonal’
  • Lil Man peed in a potted tree. He then told me that a zombie in the schoolroom showed him how to do it.

I’m not complaining though. I’m counting the laughs, because one day, these will be the moments I look back on a laugh my jiggly old backside about.

Now, if you’ll pardon me, I think I’ll go find me some chocolate and my favorite blanket. Maybe Lil Man will share some couch with me.

 

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On Expectations and Standards

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https://twitter.com/HipHmschoolMoms

I have a big issue with expectations.

So does my sweet Mr. Chaos.

I regularly feel out of control about most of my life, and I feel completely incapable of creating an environment {clean home, clean car, organized office, etc.} that would be deemed acceptable or expected of an almost-40 year old woman.

I mean, doesn’t everyone else have it figured out by now?

Geesh, Lisa… get with the game here.

Mr. Chaos doesn’t understand why our kids don’t act like little adults all the time, remember the rules and use basic common sense. I will happily remind him that they are children and need years of repetition, then mumble something about him needing to lower his expectations of them. 

I’m completely willing to adjust my expectations of others, even adults, just not myself. So I’m usually pretty disappointed in everything I’ve done. {While I’m perfectly willing to accept that my children are children, the fact that someone thinks they should do better bothers me, and I determine that they are perfectly normal kids – I am just a parenting failure.}

I have struggled with this long before I had children.

There is a difference, however, between standards and expectations and I need to be reminded of it often.

This time, the reminder came from an unexpected, but wonderfully funny, place: the Homeschooling IRL Podcast from Andy and Kendra Fletcher.

Homeschooling IRL Podcast

 

I discovered Kendra and Andy after I started working at The Homeschool Post. Both their blogs were up for awards and Andy, last year’s Best Dad Blog winner, eventually came on board as our first male contributor! We LOVE having a Dad on our team!

I saw a couple of my friends commenting positively about their new podcast so I thought I’d hop over and give it a listen.

The first one I clicked on was Homeschooling is a BuzzKill.

God knew I needed to hear that one, right then. It was, without a doubt, exactly what I needed to hear that day.

As Kendra joked about her high expectations for their day, she suddenly stopped to make a clarification. There was a difference between high standards and high expectations.

stan·dard noun \ˈstan-dərd\

: a level of quality, achievement, etc., that is considered acceptable or desirable standards : ideas about morally correct and acceptable behavior
: something that is very good and that is used to make judgments about the quality of other things

ex·pec·ta·tion noun \ˌek-ˌspek-ˈtā-shən, ik-\

: a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen
: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Having high standards is a great thing. Having expectations that are too high and unrealistic, can be crushing in your daily life.

For example, we have a standard of HONESTY in our house.  We, or at least I, have an expectation that my children are in fact children and will try and skew a story if they feel the truth is not in their best interest. It’s my job, as mom, to stop the fibs and also to reassure them that telling the truth is always better, always. It’s also my job to speak truth, setting a good example.

I can have a standard of wanting a tidy home, and we can strive to get there. Realistically, my expectations for the daily condition of our home should be hovering somewhere around “rotating areas of awesomeness, dotted with piles of wearable laundry, with no moldy science projects under furniture”. Yea, that’s more attainable.

Tween Dresser

Acknowledging our family standards is important! It would serve me well to list them out somewhere.

Acknowledging that we have a variety of maturity levels in our home, each requiring its own customized level of expected behavior, is also very, very important to all of us. Expecting the tween to make decisions like me is unfair, just as expecting the three-year-old to know how to clean the crock pot is entirely unfair.

Bird Seen Fail

Remember today, my friends, when you find yourself unclogging the toilet again, or pole vaulting over Mt. Laundry to fall into bed, that there is a difference between having low standards and having realistic expectations.

You’re standards are just fine….. your kids are just fine….. your house is just fine…. and you, you’re doing pretty dang fine too. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Reality is real, and we are all living it.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, you still have time to inch those expectations closer to the goal line, give everyone time to grow and appreciate to progress.

When all else fails, grab some coffee, a piece of chocolate {or two}, and take some time with God. His Love, and Grace, and Mercy NEVER FAIL.

 

This post may contain affiliate links. Proceeds from affiliate links go towards the cost of hosting the blog and helps to support our homeschool books, supplies, and classes. Thank you in advance for your support! If you would like to read more about our affiliations please see our Disclosures page.

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