Sometimes I get caught up in life. I seem to exist in a constant state of “must be doing” even when I’m resting.
I must be cleaning, cooking, writing, thinking, working, learning, parenting, focusing, ….
and rarely, even when it looks like fun, am I ever really just having fun. I’m constantly judging my conduct and my actions and the conduct of those around me (mostly my children and my husband).
I’m trying hard to stop. To just be. To stop making every.moment.a.lesson.
I guess I’ve always felt like I was under a microscope and it’s hard to shake the idea that everything is a test. But I am painfully aware of how stressful it is to feel like you are always in the middle of a pop quiz, and I’m working to stop making my family feel that way.
Today, my in-laws came to visit. They took the kids out for some treats so the Mr. and I could use our free passes to see a movie.
Our oldest used her birthday money to buy herself a stuffed toy, and buy me some pretty new Sharpies. I almost cried. You would have too if you had been present for some of our recent…..conversations.
The Mr., the kids, and the grandparents went for a walk around the neighborhood, while I caught up on some work and waited for pizza delivery.
We watched Master Chef Junior while eating overrated pizza and blue Kool Aid.
Today, I cuddled without an agenda. Today, I stopped and looked my kids in their eyes.
I rubbed backs and stole noses and refrained from my duties as Grammar Nazi and Tone-of-Voice Czar.
We tried to play a game after the grandparents left. When the happy team spirits started to wane, we jumped to the end and called a winner.
The Mr. and I decided to divide and conquer. He took Doodlebug into the kitchen to play a different board game and I took the rest into the living room for some creative time.
I can remember doodling with my mom. Seems she was always doodling little pictures on things: notes, envelopes, napkins. I don’t take time anymore to just doodle for fun. I haven’t done much of anything lately, even “fun” stuff, that wasn’t somehow part of a bigger to-do line item.
You know what? Doodling for no good reason is fun.
Peeking out of the corner of your eye to see your children watching intently as you draw, because they want to copy exactly what you’re doing…. sweeter than all the candy in the world.
Sometimes, all you need, to be a great mom, is a pause button for ‘Mommy’s Internal Never-Ending To-Do List’.
Whatever you need to do to make it O.K. to pause the life lessons for a few minutes and live.…do it. Enjoy the sweetness of it all.
And don’t worry mommas…. the world won’t fall down while you’re busy.